Supernatural Romance that “left us speechless”

It’s not a lie. We have no idea what to say for these books.

Most of them are ebook only published which should have been our first clue. There are not enough words to describe or explain, so we simply decided to cut our loses. Below is a bunch of mini-reviews to the books we couldn’t fully review (or didn’t want to). Give them a shot – if you dare.

All of these come with a warning that they will almost definitely have strong sexual scenes, bondage/weird smut, and absolutely no plot.


Katelynn’s Trashed Reviews:

banks golden eyesGolden Eyes, by Maya Banks

Series: Amber Eyes # 1
Genre:
  “Supernatural Romance” – aka. Eroticakitty kitty Published:  March, 2008
Goodreads | Amazon CA US UK

The GIF says it all.

When Sheriff Duncan Kennedy finds an injured cheetah in his mountains, he brings it home, determined to find out how she got there and stop the poachers who were hunting her. When he later checks on the cheetah and instead finds a gorgeous, naked woman with an arrow in her leg, he’s completely flabbergasted.
For six months, Aliyah Carver has been trapped in cheetah form. Taken by poachers who import exotic animals to illegally hunt, she stayed in animal form to avoid detection. She escaped the hunters, but now she faces another problem — a devastatingly sexy sheriff who now knows her secret.

Katelynn’s Rating: 2 / 5
Read on April 18th, 2016

A mountain ranger in Colorado saves a cheetah from poachers only to get it back to his house and find a naked woman where the cheetah used to be in his mud room. Furious at finding out there are illegal poachers bringing in exotic animals for the hunt, he sets off to arrest the bandits and keep Aliyah safe in his arms.

I think I clawed through this book in two hours (can you even call it a book if it’s that short?) and well.. I suppose there’s a romance? I mostly found it was about a rugged sheriff that gets seduced by the sex-crazed cheetah-shifter and it’s so mind-blowingly amazing they fall in love with each other and live happily ever after. Ta-da. I don’t know what else to say and it’s not as though there was an abundance of lines just waiting to be quoted on here.

There isn’t really much to review. The plot is so small it’s almost not even existent.

 

thorne forbiddenForbidden, by Elle Thorne

Series: Never After Dark # 1
Genre: Supernatural Romance
Published: July, 2015
Goodreads | Amazon CA / US / UK

A SPIN OFF SERIES OF SHIFTERS FOREVER!
This one takes place in Europe, the original home of the Tiero shifters. We start our journey in the Eternal City—Rome. Vax’s half-brother Rafe has it bad for Callie. He thinks that’s the kind of woman he needs.

If hot sex skeeves you out, you may want to pass on this book. If freaky, downright dirty sexy talk bothers you, yeah, for sure you gotta pass on this one. We believe in sex–hot, dirty, delicious sex. Yup, make it sweaty, too. It’s not just sex, it’s about the romance. But good romance has sex, and we keep the doors open! Oh, and the lights on! 😉

Katelynn’s Rating: 2 / 5
Read on May 8th, 2016

I swear I bought this because the cover was pretty. I swear! Because if I bought this for any other reason, I’d be incredibly disappointed. It’s only 100 kindle pages, it took less than an hour to read, and I’ve already forgotten what it was about. Seriously – there’s hardly anything interesting in this book. Jax is the main girl, and Rafe meets her at the cafe she works at when he goes off to pout because he’s jealous of his brother. Jax and Rafe use the other as pretend girlfriend/boyfriend to get their families off their backs, but “…it was never just a weekend thing.”

You’d probably have to read the entire series for it to really have any impact, but there wasn’t anything special enough to go further – or to the previous series, for that matter. Another shifter insta-love mating romance with a big, burly pussy cat and some tail.

 

logan abductedAbducted, by Cassandra Logan

Series: The Twin Moons of Andove # 1
Genre: Sci-Fi Romance
Published: April, 2015
Goodreads | Amazon CA / US / UK

Anika’s life has finally fallen into place. She has a career she loves, an apartment that, while small, meets her needs, and a best friend that is helping her find someone to spend the rest of her life with, or at the very least someone to have a good time with.
Zeke is only on Earth long enough to make repairs to some salvaged equipment and relax with the local natives. Just a few, short weeks and then he, and his shipmates are on their way back to their home world. Then he catches Anika’s scent and his wolf is gone.
Unable, and unwilling, to fight the instant attraction Zeke soon finds himself head over heels, but will the secret he’s keeping cause him to lose his mate? Meanwhile, Anika has a secret of her own that could end up having a huge impact on the couple’s future.

Katelynn’s Rating: 2 / 5
Read on May 8th, 2016

Abducted found it’s way into my Kindle when I saw that it was free. I can’t resist free ebooks, and this Bad Romance May seemed like the perfect time to read this one. It was a longer read and only took several hours. Anika and Zeke fall instantly in love with each other (because they’re mates of course), and it’s mostly about how they can’t keep their hands off each other. The ending ends on a bit of a cliffhanger which was a bit disappointing, and even though I kind of want to know what happens next I don’t really want to read anymore.

As far as Sci-Fi romances go, I’d say this is pretty tame. Such a relief!

A note that this is the first in the series and it does end on a cliffhanger. If you like your romance novels to stand on their own, keep scrolling.

 

sims taken by the t-rexTaken by the T-Rex, by Christie Sims

Series: Standalone (thank goodness)
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Published: September, 2013
Goodreads | Amazon CA / US / UK

Drin is her tribe’s chief huntress; she lives for the thrill of the hunt. Men and sex hold no allure for her, as Drin has never found a partner to satisfy her. When a T-Rex descends upon her village, destroying it, Drin demands that the tribe’s hunters go in search of the beast and slaughter it. Opting for safety instead of revenge, the tribe moves to a new location, hoping that the big beast won’t follow them.
It does.
Drin taunts the beast, giving her tribes mates time to flee. As she runs, leading it through a gauntlet of traps, the thrill of the hunt soars through her blood, leaving her wet with desire. When the angry T-Rex corners the huntress in a box canyon, it seems more interested in her wet womanhood than in her flesh.

Katelynn’s Rating: 0 / 5
Read on May 8th, 2016

Yup, this is exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. Creativity points for using caveman speak (“the big light” instead of sun, and the gruff accent of cavemen that lacks any and all grammar). It’s a 15 minute read and on Kindle Unlimited, if you’re curious you should really just go read it.

Misery loves company, so if this is your thing she has more.  O ∩ O

 

chase horn of desireHorn of Desire, by Cecilia Chase

Series: Unicorn # 1
Genre: Fantasy Erotica
Published: September, 2013
Goodreads | Amazon CA / US / UK

Unicorns are real, and they are not the beasts of legend. They want Serena, and she must confront her desires if she is going to find out why.

Katelynn’s Rating: 0 / 5
Read on May 8th, 2016

I can’t believe I read this. I’m not sure what conclusions that synopsis is supposed to bring about, but this is just really weird smut that leaves you feeling ridiculously violated.

Curiosity isn’t worth this shit, man. Keep moving.
BOOKS & BOTTLES

6 comments

  1. When the angry T-Rex corners the huntress in a box canyon, it seems more interested in her wet womanhood than in her flesh.” A 15 minute read you say huh? Two words: hi-fucking-larious!

    1. LOL you know, it really is. The first thought that comes to mind is really “WTF” but then I’m laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing!
      The unicorn one is the worst, though. It’s 230498234098 times more fucked up. :'(

    1. Ahaha! Yes, yes they were! They were either free through a promo for the book, or they are on Kindle Unlimited (the T-Rex and Unicorn one are. But I think they’re $1-$2 if you were feeling generous and wanted it to stain your Kindle for eternity…).

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